Trying to get a handle on things...

In just under a week, I will reach my three month mark of being married. . . That doesn't even seem possible! In some ways it seems I have been with Jon forever... And in other ways it seems like just yesterday I was walking down the aisle. All the books, wisdom from those ladies I admire or seminars could not have prepared me eough for the journey I have set my feet to. (though they all have helped) "It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to." Bilbo Baggins Now I am not aimlessly wandering through my marriage, but there have been time when I have wondered, what all I have gotten myself into. I talked to my doctor the other day... There have been some things that I could not name, but I knew were not right. (ever have that feeling?) I sat there and poured out my concerns, things I thought it might be, and some ideas that may help cure. He just listened and then told me He already knew the severity of my condition. It apparently is very serious, and very common, and if not caught early enough could become so bad it would start to effect all areas of my life... Plankeyeosis. Really? Me? What happened and when it first came on, I don't know, I am just so glad that I talked to my doctor when I did. Plankeyeosis is something that starts in the brain... It starts eating at thought patterns and then emotions start shriveling up with it, especially when plankeyeosis flares up around the ones you love. I always thought that I was a fairly positive person, but the reality of the fact that I had it- and after being diagnosed, I could see exactly what my doctor was saying, I know now it's not enough to just be positive. I have had to change some things in my life to get this better. I could not have done it without my doctor, though. He told me some things I needed to look-up and read, and then some exercises I could do. I have only been working on it a couple of days, but the results have already made a difference! I have been able to encounter various hurdles and maintain a sense of joy and peace. Times with my husband are relaxed and enjoyable, all because I changed my focus. You see, plank-eye-(osis -had to sound all legit and medical)is simply where your focus turns to the speck in the lives of those around you. Whether it is in what they say, or do, you allow that to consume you. It becomes terrible for you when the "plank" in your own life begins to fester. Not only are you knit-picking them apart but your own infection is growing and consuming you. My doctor talks with me daily. Gives me areas to focus on, and the moment I feel it start to flair-up, I just give a quick call and He reminds me of what He's already done for me, and how I would be without Him. I don't want to keep talking in riddles, though I'm sure it's not too hard to figure out what all I'm talking about. I was allowing joy to be robbed from my marriage and even time with "my doctor" due to little things that I would take personally. It seemed like nothing could be said or done without setting me off and flipping my mood into something that was not at all a joy to be around... I feel bad for the way I had been treating my husband, and the selfishness that had crept in and was taking residence in my heart. I mentioned earlier changing my focus, and it has been SO very helpful! Now when something happens that stars to set me off, a little reminder from my doctor and a quick dose from His helper, I calm wwaayyy down! Some on the verses that has been most helpful lately is... 14 For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation, 15 having abolished in His flesh the enmity, that is, the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as to create in Himself one new man from the two, thus making peace, 16 and that He might reconcile them both to God in one body through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity. Eph. 2:14-16 Jesus is our peace. He is at work in us. Breaking down walls between us. He is making us new. He is making us one. I am glad that I have been diagnosed and am getting better. This journey is far better -even with hard to swallow lessons- than anything I ever could have dreamed. Eep!