Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye 2010. . .

Stories always have endings- but in life, endings just make way for new beginnings...

With the end of 2010 ---
(i think thats more fun to say than 2011, but i guess i will have to get over that! =p )
---there are lots of things that have happened over the year to be thankful for...

*Snowed in at a youth retreat
*Nephew's 1st birthday
*Day trips to mountains, DC, Williamsburg, and IKEA (and others i may have forgotten)
*Trip to DC for Chick-fil-A's Seminar
*Got to be in a "Beauty Pageant" as a cow
*Made it to the Creation Museum
*Got to play salon- dyed, cut and permed several heads of hair
*Got my first pair of TOMS
*Started a 2nd job as Hospitality Coordinator for the SBCV
*My sister, brother-in-law and nephew moved in with us---and told us kiddle #2 was coming!*Led to a new church body to fellowship and grow with
*Went on a family vacation to Georgia
*Got to be in a parade
*Got a new car

There are also the things that God showed me about myself- areas that i needed to change/clean-up so to speak and areas i needed to grow.
i had some anger/hatred that i needed to get rid of. It was eating at me, and "causing dissension between the brothers".... i learned that God has dreams and plans for us, i already knew that, but it was a nice refresher course! =p

i know not what 2011 holds, but i know who holds it. And just as a new day starts clean with no mistakes in it, so does 2011-- not that all mistakes are bad, for from failures you learn, success not so much...

So, goodbye 2010. You were a good year, but i leave you with no backwards glances. Memories of you will forever be in my heart, but staying with you b/c i know how you turned out, would only be devastating for my tomorrow. The sun rises on a new year full of unknown, and adventure- full of promise in every area. . .

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

musings of the mind, well mine anyways

So- if you could be in shape from the work-out in one's head, i would be in the best shape in the WORLD!
My mom says i over-think things sometimes, and i will be the first to agree, but sometimes i just can't turn off my brain!
There are lots of things that i think about, and lately they've been all over the board...
i met a guy online *scandalous* and we got to talking. It wasn't bad- it was fun having a guy actually write ME! He would ask questions and give me wishes for a good day, and sign off "sweet dreams" if his letter came late at night. There was no romantic exchange in any of our correspondence- but suddenly he has disappeared, and i miss hearing from him. There is no trace of our communication, and its as if he has been deleted from life. At first i thought the extreme worst, what if he died over Christmas?! But then i got to thinking a little less morbid, and probably more realistic. He no longer wanted to write. i guess it was easier to delete a friend then to just ignore them. Maybe i said something wrong, or offended him, i dont know- but i wish i did. It was fun having a new friend, a guy friend- genuinely interested in who i am. (maybe thats what scared him off! =p) i dont know, only God knows. He was a brother, and wherever he is now, it was nice the time i had getting to know him.
The Christmas season always seems to be more romantic than other seasons, and i am not sure why. i dont know if the cold makes it better for snuggling, or maybe the cupids fill the air with something?!? It makes me think of "him" and wish he was here all the more. Every where you look there are couples shopping, eating, celebrating, and enjoying the time together. Its just more romantic than other times of the year. Maybe thats why we remember the greatest act of Love demonstrated be the Author of Romance Himself, at this time of year. . . "God LOVED the world so much that He GAVE His only Son..." There is no other gift that is greater or Love that is deeper than that. From the very beginning of the time , God has been on mission, wooing the hearts of men, back to Himself. A love like that i dont understand. A love like that i dont deserve. A love like that i cant fathom. A love like that is one i have been given, and you have too! Ain't it great we can have the Love of the season ALL year?!?!?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Its still Christmas

So i was thinkin', (dangerous pastime- i know)
You know how many public places are trying to get rid of Christmas? What do you hear these days?
Happy Holidays!
blah. blah. blah.
There is one type of business that can NOT escape Christmas!
UPS, FedEx, USPS and other delivery services!
Why? You may ask, maybe not, but i shall tell you anyways....
You see, though many places say and wish you a Happy Holidays, you are guaranteed to get your packages by CHRISTMAS! If they guaranteed delivery by the holidays, then they could technically have till February to deliver your packages.
Yet they work to deliver packages by December 25, and despite what you want to call it, you want your packages by CHRISTMAS!
So keep your happy holidays, and have a Merry CHRISTmas!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

ironing out the jumbles in my head

So much for the 30 days. . . i may still continue it.
It sure wont be consecutive... =)

i lack motivation to write. To be honest- i think i have low self-esteem issues.
i spent my child-hood befriending those others made fun of, but what if i actually just fit in with them? i think about what other people think, and then it makes my head hurt!
Ever go in to a situation- think it went well and then realize you were a nerd the whole time?
im not saying i should be someone else, or try to fit in- but what is said when i leave the room?
Are people happy when i finally go? Do they cringe when i walk in the door?
Do i act in a way that hinders someone else from doing something?
In great strides to serve other people, whose feet am i stepping on?
Ever just smile around a socailly awkward person, tollerating them? Well, sometimes i feel like i am one! (socailly awkward that is) =)
i love being me, but sometimes i wish i was different.
There isnt really someone in particular that i want to be like, just different...

Here we are approaching Christmas and i am wallowing in self-pity. There should be no thoughts about myself, and yet as i read the accounts in Matthew and Luke, the thought of "Would God have picked me to be the mother of Jesus if He were to come today and not 2000+ years ago?" There are so many different aspects of the reason for the season, i just need to get off myself.

At Community Group last night, one of the guys there shared how everything this Christmas is just so special to him. You see, he joined God's family this past spring, and so this is really his first Christmas with eyes to all that it really means.
i dont want to loose that. i dont want to be calloused to the words of carols, or the enormity of what Jesus did.
He has been on mission from the very beginning. i want to be a part of His mission, instead of feeling like i am not fitting in, or a dork of the group (which i dont mind being called a dork, it just seemed to fit in my ramblings)
i want to let the real reason for the season be what i am all about. After all- He > i