Friday, December 31, 2010
With the end of 2010 ---
(i think thats more fun to say than 2011, but i guess i will have to get over that! =p )
---there are lots of things that have happened over the year to be thankful for...
*Snowed in at a youth retreat
*Nephew's 1st birthday
*Day trips to mountains, DC, Williamsburg, and IKEA (and others i may have forgotten)
*Trip to DC for Chick-fil-A's Seminar
*Got to be in a "Beauty Pageant" as a cow
*Made it to the Creation Museum
*Got to play salon- dyed, cut and permed several heads of hair
*Got my first pair of TOMS
*Started a 2nd job as Hospitality Coordinator for the SBCV
*My sister, brother-in-law and nephew moved in with us---and told us kiddle #2 was coming!*Led to a new church body to fellowship and grow with
*Went on a family vacation to Georgia
*Got to be in a parade
*Got a new car
There are also the things that God showed me about myself- areas that i needed to change/clean-up so to speak and areas i needed to grow.
i had some anger/hatred that i needed to get rid of. It was eating at me, and "causing dissension between the brothers".... i learned that God has dreams and plans for us, i already knew that, but it was a nice refresher course! =p
i know not what 2011 holds, but i know who holds it. And just as a new day starts clean with no mistakes in it, so does 2011-- not that all mistakes are bad, for from failures you learn, success not so much...
So, goodbye 2010. You were a good year, but i leave you with no backwards glances. Memories of you will forever be in my heart, but staying with you b/c i know how you turned out, would only be devastating for my tomorrow. The sun rises on a new year full of unknown, and adventure- full of promise in every area. . .
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
My mom says i over-think things sometimes, and i will be the first to agree, but sometimes i just can't turn off my brain!
There are lots of things that i think about, and lately they've been all over the board...
i met a guy online *scandalous* and we got to talking. It wasn't bad- it was fun having a guy actually write ME! He would ask questions and give me wishes for a good day, and sign off "sweet dreams" if his letter came late at night. There was no romantic exchange in any of our correspondence- but suddenly he has disappeared, and i miss hearing from him. There is no trace of our communication, and its as if he has been deleted from life. At first i thought the extreme worst, what if he died over Christmas?! But then i got to thinking a little less morbid, and probably more realistic. He no longer wanted to write. i guess it was easier to delete a friend then to just ignore them. Maybe i said something wrong, or offended him, i dont know- but i wish i did. It was fun having a new friend, a guy friend- genuinely interested in who i am. (maybe thats what scared him off! =p) i dont know, only God knows. He was a brother, and wherever he is now, it was nice the time i had getting to know him.
The Christmas season always seems to be more romantic than other seasons, and i am not sure why. i dont know if the cold makes it better for snuggling, or maybe the cupids fill the air with something?!? It makes me think of "him" and wish he was here all the more. Every where you look there are couples shopping, eating, celebrating, and enjoying the time together. Its just more romantic than other times of the year. Maybe thats why we remember the greatest act of Love demonstrated be the Author of Romance Himself, at this time of year. . . "God LOVED the world so much that He GAVE His only Son..." There is no other gift that is greater or Love that is deeper than that. From the very beginning of the time , God has been on mission, wooing the hearts of men, back to Himself. A love like that i dont understand. A love like that i dont deserve. A love like that i cant fathom. A love like that is one i have been given, and you have too! Ain't it great we can have the Love of the season ALL year?!?!?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
You know how many public places are trying to get rid of Christmas? What do you hear these days?
blah. blah. blah.
There is one type of business that can NOT escape Christmas!
UPS, FedEx, USPS and other delivery services!
Why? You may ask, maybe not, but i shall tell you anyways....
You see, though many places say and wish you a Happy Holidays, you are guaranteed to get your packages by CHRISTMAS! If they guaranteed delivery by the holidays, then they could technically have till February to deliver your packages.
Yet they work to deliver packages by December 25, and despite what you want to call it, you want your packages by CHRISTMAS!
So keep your happy holidays, and have a Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
It sure wont be consecutive... =)
i lack motivation to write. To be honest- i think i have low self-esteem issues.
i spent my child-hood befriending those others made fun of, but what if i actually just fit in with them? i think about what other people think, and then it makes my head hurt!
Ever go in to a situation- think it went well and then realize you were a nerd the whole time?
im not saying i should be someone else, or try to fit in- but what is said when i leave the room?
Are people happy when i finally go? Do they cringe when i walk in the door?
Do i act in a way that hinders someone else from doing something?
In great strides to serve other people, whose feet am i stepping on?
Ever just smile around a socailly awkward person, tollerating them? Well, sometimes i feel like i am one! (socailly awkward that is) =)
i love being me, but sometimes i wish i was different.
There isnt really someone in particular that i want to be like, just different...
Here we are approaching Christmas and i am wallowing in self-pity. There should be no thoughts about myself, and yet as i read the accounts in Matthew and Luke, the thought of "Would God have picked me to be the mother of Jesus if He were to come today and not 2000+ years ago?" There are so many different aspects of the reason for the season, i just need to get off myself.
At Community Group last night, one of the guys there shared how everything this Christmas is just so special to him. You see, he joined God's family this past spring, and so this is really his first Christmas with eyes to all that it really means.
i dont want to loose that. i dont want to be calloused to the words of carols, or the enormity of what Jesus did.
He has been on mission from the very beginning. i want to be a part of His mission, instead of feeling like i am not fitting in, or a dork of the group (which i dont mind being called a dork, it just seemed to fit in my ramblings)
i want to let the real reason for the season be what i am all about. After all- He > i
Sunday, November 07, 2010
i have quite an eclectic group of "favorites" for movies, so i shall just list them as i think of them!
The Lord of the Rings: Extended Edition
Pride and Prejudice - the version where Colin Firth plays Mr. Darcy
Sweet Home Alabama
The Original Star Wars ( IV, V, VI)
You've Got Mail
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Singing in the Rain
Beauty and the Beast
Ocean's 11, 12, and 13
Sound of Music
Love Comes Softly
Loves Enduring Promise
oh man,... i know there are lots more , i just cant think right now! i may come back for a second post and call it Day 7.1. . . =)
Saturday, November 06, 2010
You see, i am a HUGE nature fan! There is so many AMAZING things in this world that i have not seen, and then there are things that i have seen that leave me dumbfounded.
God is so creative and it is a delight to journey through life discovering more about Him through creation along the way!
Friday, November 05, 2010
ML is the next in line, and i wish there were word to describe us when we are together! =) At 16, we are just starting to have more of that friendship, as apposed to "im older you have to listen to me" relationship. i guess that has to be there some, but its been awesome getting to know and grow with her, really over the last year or so. As God has led her on some trips, and lessons learned we have been able to talk more about things that i went through, and encourage each other with where we are headed! She has such a zeal for life, that for the most part, will always make me smile! Whether singing off-key really loud, or making jingles off the top of her head, ML is ready for what comes her way.
The Bean! Man, where to begin? i was not quite 16 when mom had B, and i thought it was A-Mazing to have another little sister! She was a "surprise blessing" that i cant imagine our lives without! When she was little, mom would sometimes let me rock her on our porch swing, and that is where she would take her morning nap. A kids with me saying that i raised her mostly, (its no wonder shes crazy sometimes!) Mom and the other girls would work outside when we lived in the country and i would run the house and take care of B. i did have a hand in taking care of her, but i wasnt like a parent. . . no, i am too much of a spoiler when it comes to B, well any of my sisters/family! We are still growing though, and i look forward to seeing where God will lead Bean and me!
i have written now about my parents and my siblings- and one thing i have not mentioned enough, is how much i love them! i wouldnt trade them for anything! There are times i feel as though i dont deserve them, or get along with them, but thats my family. Supportive and there for each other, just the way God designed it! i will, and have, fought people who take advantage of or hurt my family. i dont like that, and take it personally, sometimes to a fault. But God is still working in me, and these guys love me through all the construction! =)
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Thank you for your relationship toward each other, the example it is to us girls. How one should be modeled and lived out, as well as your relationship as a couple to Christ. Thank you for never putting us kids before each of you. We are a blessing, not your life. Thank you for investing yourselves in us, our interests and likes. For putting up with my crazy phases of life and weird, "where did that come from" moments. Thank you for laughing around the table and the hugs after a rough day. The prayers where we are gone away, and the texts when we are coming back. Thanks for being over-protective, controlling and manipulative! i love you both dearly and pray my husband and i can be as strong as ya'll and as encouraging to other people! Love you! Love Shellz/Fuzzy
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
i had to do some thinking on this one.
Love can take on several different meanings. For instance-
"i love M&M's"
"i love that pant- its such a cute pant"
"i love my family"
"i love sunsets"
i love a lot of things, so what did i love first?
As i thought, lyrics to an old Newsboys song kept circulating my head-
'Take me back to the first love i ever knew!'
But how could i find what that meant for me and my personal life. i found this- you see
there is really only one way that i could ever love, and that is...
"We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19)
The only reason i am capable of showing love, is because the Creator of love, LOVES ME!
Christ is my first love.
Christ is my only love.
Christ will always be my love.
People will let me down. But Christ won't.
Circumstances will be like a rollercoaster. But Christ won't.
Situations will be confusing. But Christ isn't.
Tomorrow is unknown and scary. Christ isn't.
From the moment God formed Adam from dust, eternity lied in His hands.
Breathing life into his nostrils, God knew what man was capable of, and what he would choose.
As He opened Adam's eyes to the world He created, God loved Him- and knew the price it would take to keep the relationship between Creator and created, open.
Hundreds of years later, it was love that sent Jesus to Earth.
Love that had Him grow into a man, stripped of glory and power.
Love that showed God's awesome design of a right relationship.
Love that drew sin out like poison, exposing light to the darkest of hearts.
Love that led Him to the cross, taking every single thing i will ever do- even though i was only a thought in the Father's hand.
Love that forsake Jesus hanging there- marred, stained, beaten, and now SIN
Love that couldn't keep Jesus down- and
Love that conquered death for all time!
This love i cant grasp. i am left dumbfounded. Unworthy, and yet made right.
Because of His great love for me, i am able to love.
So it is on HIM i stake my claim to "First Love"
It is HE i love, from now forth and forever. . .
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
It all started with the verse in Proverbs, describing the Virtuous Wife....
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." (vs. 10)
i have shared before the longing and desire to be a wife and mom. To work along side my husband in a way to further giving glory to God.
Over the years, my mom has worked with me, training me to become the kind of wife not only he will one day need, but one the Bible says i should be.
The second half of Proverbs 31 describes the traits of this kind of helpmeet, and it has for several years been my goal to learn different attributes listed.
Because it talks about the WIFE of excellence, i am not there yet, im still in training so to speak. Like a diamond that has yet been chiseled and refined, it is called "in the rough" So i put the two together-
i will someday be a wife, hopefully one of excellence and worth more than rubies, but while im waiting, i am in the rough. . .
so i am a Ruby in the Rough. . .
Monday, November 01, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
i have seen blogs that call them HTB (Husband to Be letters) but i liked DHL better. =)
You see i have been writing "him" for almost 12 years now! (that is so hard to believe!) i have kept notebooks of thoughts and prayers for him, dreams and hopes to do with him. Some of them make me smile- when i look at the things that were important to me at 13. My growth is portrayed in the change of my handwriting and topics, along with the situations that surrounded me.
i dont write as often as i would like, but my thoughts and prayers are with him daily. This world is becoming steadily more difficult for a man to be not only a manly-man, but one after God's own heart.
This morning at church, through a conversation with one of the older gentlemen, we got to talking about his wife. He would praise her and talk of the things they have learned together. He said, "A happy wife makes for a good life!" i smiled and mentioned wanting that. He grabbed my hand and said, "Well, lets pray for him!" Right there in the back of my little church, this man, though i dont know him well, was praying for me, and my husband. i could not repeat his prayer, for i dont remember it verbatim, but it touched my heart.
God sent Mr. D to me today. i know that there are plenty of people praying for me and my husband, but they all know me! Here this man moved at the prompting of God's Spirit, and blessed me!
God does have a man for me. i dont know where he is, but God does! One day, soon maybe, we will be together, and i will be able to blog my story! For now, i shall continue to write my DHLs...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Well, i had to share something that T did last night.
We were in the play room and i looked over and he was standing on a book. Instead of fussing at him to get off, i asked if he was surfing.
He looked at me as if i was from Mars, but said "I dont know how to surf!"
So, feeling a bit like Drea from Secret Adventures, i painted the scene around him.
The warm sun, cool, clear water, and the awesome waves begging for us to ride them!
We laid on our bellies and "paddled" out to where the BIG waves were breaking.
After getting ready, we would look behind us as the monster waves would lift us on the aqua-roller-coaster ride!
After catching so many perfect waves, i thought it would be fun to have a "wipe out"
After standing on our books, er umm, boards, we tumbled into the water below.
Reaching the shore, i shivered and T started bobbing up and down with his head to one side. Mind you, he is 2 1/2- i asked what he was doing, and he simply stated that he had "wader in my ear"
And here i was thinking that imagination was lost on this generation! =)
Monday, October 18, 2010
'you grow up'
'meet a man'
by the time my sisters and i would get to this point, it would be time to go eat or something and so the cycle would start again the next day. . .
As i have grown, the "playing house" hasnt really stopped. As preparation for running my own house own day, my mom has built in practical ways to take care of little ones and run the house.
Practice has come in many forms and over the years has also increased in responsibility, though i am not at the time of having my own place, yet! =)
Today i went to help a dad in my Community Group (aka- Bible Study Group)
His wife is on a spiritual women's retreat, and they has two little munchkins- T is 2 1/2 years old and MG is 9 1/2 months. In order for him to get work done he needed someone to watch them. I volunteered, i love those kids anyways, and went not really knowing what i was getting into!
Arriving at 8:30 this morning, i walked in to half-eaten breakfasts, laundry strewn about, and kids still in their pjs. T was to be at preschool at 8:45, and was not ready! Needless to say, i tried to help as best i could, but i found myself praying for single parents! i dont know how they do it on a regular basis!
Once the guys left it was MG and me, and i got to "play house" all over again, only for real. There was a meeting at their house tonight, so i cleaned up for that, taking care of laundry, and keeping Little Bit on her schedule. There were blow-outs that needed to be cleaned, snacks to prepare, bottles to make, toys to organize, and the domain was "mine" (so to speak) to run for the day.
As tiring as it was, i enjoyed it. There was a sense of accomplishment that was fulfilling. It made me long for my own home and family, but showed me that i can do it. i feel i am ready, just waiting on the "Mr." element. =) i know there is much more to learn - i am in no way saying i have it all down pat! so in the mean time, so we shall see what happens the next time i get to "play house" =)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
why has the moral of men sunk so low, that questions cant even be asked?
why is it guys like blondes better?
why do you have to have a flawless face and be skinny to get a conversation?
why do 'bad girls' get good guys and 'good girls' get stuck waiting?
whats the point in waiting for a man, if this world is only full of boys?
how does one throw up lunch, its much too painful if you wait too long, does it get easier?
do diet pills really work, or cause more damage in the long run?
why does what people think bother me when only One's thoughts are what matters?
how does one forget mistakes, or the past, when they only haunt you in the weak moments?
why do dreams seem so far away? is it foolish to dream?
what difference am i making, am i at all?
whats wrong with me, that i'm not worth getting to know?
why are there forceful, and hateful men who seem to get away with wrong doing?
why are there sick women who try and want to get rid of their kids?
why arent more righteous raised up like in Bible times?
how come you feel better after a good cry?
why is there such darkness when Light is offered?
why is my mind plagued with these questions when the Truth is echoing in my head?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Its been a while.
Seems that blogging has slipped to the back-burner of my life.
Life itself has been crazy busy, and writing about whats going on in my head, just hasn't seemed important.
But I have missed it.
I am going to try to better.
I am giving my blog a face-lift, going to try to anyways.
But for now just a bit of an update on well, me.... (that may be rather droll, so feel free to skim- I am finding it is nice to write down some thoughts tumbling about my sub-cranium. . .)
Ok, so I will start at the beginning, its a very good place to start, so I have been told. And I wont go back so far as not quite five and twenty years, but maybe to around my last entry! =)
My work as a hostess has been enjoyable, and doubled even. I am now not only CFA's hostess but SBCV's as well! My days are filled with commuting, planning, serving, scheduling, waiting, preparing, cleaning, and coordinating. I have had to learn lots about money and time management- as well as the ministry I have in being in this position of hostess.
I come in contact with hundreds of people, from all over the city, state, country and even world! This summer, I have been able to meet people from, Slovakia, Germany, France, England, Scotland, Ireland, Costa Rico, Canada, Guatemala, and Russia. My encounter with them was just a moment, a few minutes to refill a drink, but will I see them in Heaven? I pray for them, wherever they are now, that God would place someone else in their lives. I may not have ever mentioned the Gospel, or even the name of Christ, but maybe I was just different enough in how I loved on them. . .
Then I have my "regulars" The few that come in ever or every other day or so. The ones that will give me a hug, or look me in the eye and ask how my life is. The ones that know my name and will pick on me, praise me, share with me concerns and exciting event in their lives. I have mentioned that I am 'praying for them' and then able to follow-up, but should I be more deliberate?
Then I have my social life. No... there is no man, yet. I am holding God to His promise though.
I for the most part am content where I am in life. My heart longs to be a wife and mom, but God, for reasons only He knows now, has not allowed that to happen yet. I have times of feeling like I am not enough. . . like looks, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not flirty enough, you fill in the blank, I have felt/thought it. Then I switch from looks to thinking about my life and abilities, and maybe there is something that is not enough there.... Not ready to balance a home, not organized enough, not skilled enough, again you fill in the blank, and its gone through my head.
I know that NONE of these thoughts are accurate or define who I am in Christ, but it doesn't mean that I haven't had them run through my head. It gets hard sometimes, when guys will talk and maybe even flirt with me, only to turn all attention toward some other cute girl that walks by. Or when my friends are already married, or having kids, or at the very least getting to know someone with the future in mind. I am genuinely happy for each one of them, and where God has them in their lives, but that doesn't mean I don't cry to God wondering why not me???
I have had some lessons to learn on the matter. I studied the account of Abraham. Before his family became a nation, even before his first son arrived, God made a promise. He said he would be a part of something GREAT and that the world would be change because of it. But time went by. . .
Convinced that things were not going fast enough and that he was just getting older, Abraham took things into his own hands. He tried to fulfill the Promise God told him, his own way. It ended in the birth of a son, but not the one God would make His promise known from.
I have to be careful that I don't try to take Gods promise that He gave me, into my own hands. I desire to have that relationship, and lots of people ask why. To me it is a fulfilling who I was created to be. I was made with a unique design, to compliment and work along side, minister to and with, submit to, and grow with one man. When God made me, He put in me what I would need to be his perfect helpmeet. I am only complete in Christ. No mere man can or will complete me. I already have a lover in my life. Jesus is the One that shows me how to love. It is because of His love for the church, I want to continue on in my life in the next phase in marriage. I want a man who will cherish me, I hope I am worth cherishing. I need him to be a leader, in all areas of our life, I want more than anything the one God has for me. I love the Ludy's and the ministry, and if you have time, look them up....especially their song, "Faithfully"
So even with the many hours work takes me from home, and my own social life rollercoaster, I have embarked on a new spiritual journey. (wow, that sounds like I have joined some cult) I have found a new church that I am getting to be a part of. It is small and averages around 70 or so people. We are growing. Going overseaes, looking for a new meeting place, out-growing community groups (aka, small groups or Bible study groups) I have fallen in love with the people, I don't know many yet, but the ones I do know are great! They are friendly, and real, and I have so enjoyed being a part of this part of the body.
To wrap up my rather lengthy, I guess that's what I get for letting so much time lag, but update on myself, I end with a song we sang this morning in church. I found it is by Hillsong called, "The Desert Song" Appropriately named I think, but an awesome song! Read down to the last verse and may you be encouraged as well!
The Desert Song:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
Saturday, July 10, 2010
A bit of a pyro lover I guess, it just looked "fun"
A couple years ago, my dad requested Creme Brule' for his birthday.
With an excuse like this, there was NO way I would use the broiler on the over to achieve the crunchy sugar top of this only heard about dessert!
So I got a torch.
It is so much fun to use, and yes I am more careful than I sound! =)
This year for Fathers' Day I made it again. However I used a whole vanilla bean- which was exciting to try too!
I will let the pictures speak for themselves!
This smells sooooo good! If you have never used one before, you should try!
It was too difficult to take pictures and cut the bean, yes I tired, but I didnt get cut! So I just took pictures in between steps. You have to slit the bean and then scrape out it's insides...
The egg and sugar mixture
Together they make a great pair!
Final product! They turned out so pretty and tasted pretty good too!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Its impossible to do.
Yet, in all things we are called to give thanks.
Why is it so much easier when life is good?
When things are going smoothly?
When you know whats going on, and why?
Did God say we'd have answers all the time?
Did He say He was going to enlighten you that your "difficult" time is to bring Himself glory in this specific way, with these certain people, at this particular time?
He said- "Give thanks in everything" 1 Thes. 5:18
I have been on a journey. Sometimes I have good days, walking in the SOnlight, but I have some days where I allow myself to to shuffle along, wallowing in self-pity, under gray clouds of, "This isnt fair!"
Why I deprive myself of the better? Beats me.
I am still learning.
Tonight I got a reminder lesson in being thankful. Even in the times I dont know, understand, like, or see through, I need to give thanks.
I broke. I had to tell Dad I was mad at Him.
I had to tell Him I was thankful.
Thankful--- for being single.
For being right where I am, right now.
For not being able to see tomorrow, or know whats going to happen next.
For the ladies who have journeyed through life a little longer than I have, giving me wisdom, knowledge, and advice.
For going through lessons to become more like His Son.
For Him not giving up on me.
It was hard- but you know what, I meant it.
I am thankful for where I am right now, singleness and all!
God is bringing some amazing things across my path that I am privileged to work on and invest in. I am excited about all He has in store for me. I am thankful for today, that I have been given one more!
Tomorrow looks like it is going to be a beautiful day, and I am going to enjoy walking and basking in the Son!
I typed "give thanks" on a search engine for Biblegateway. There are pages that contain this combination of words, all tied in to the action of giving thanks. However, this verse stuck out like a neon llama:
"Willingly I will sacrifice to You; I will give thanks to Your name, O LORD, for it is good." Psalm 54:6
Whoa. There is a ton to chew on here! I think I am going to take some time and mull it over, really savoring every bit! Here are some highlights that hit me right off though....
Willingly I will sacrifice... A sacrifice of something you love?
Something you long for?
Something you miss?
Something you are promised?
Yet willingly placed on the alter in an act of worship, a letting go and true surrender to the Lord.
I will GIVE THANKS to Your name,--- why?
Because it is good.
Besides being told to give thanks, do you need any other reason than this? But not only is His name good, HE is good, all the time!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Any place they go, people swarm their car trying to get a glimpse, a touch, a picture, anything to say they had.
Today, I was a celebrity.
I arrived decked out in my garb, and as my car rolled to a stop, someone spotted me.
The realization of who I was crossed her face as a shriek escaped her.
Soon my door was clamored by tons of people wanting to get to me.
They gave me some space, but as soon as I got out of the door, I was surrounded.
Hugs. Waves. Phone pics and yes even an autograph!
I could not believe it, but they loved me! Of course, who doesnt love the
Saturday, June 12, 2010
My first train of thought went in the direction of Abraham in his sacrifice of his son.
You see, I too have been asked to sacrifice something that I love- my husband. I know him not, but daily, I have to sacrifice the desire and dream to be with him. I have to be willing to obey God's calling on my life where I am now.
As I studied though, I went back a few years in Abraham's life and realized that my similarities with him were even deeper.
Abraham was promised to be the "Father of a Great Nation" God did not lay out this plan, with a detailed timeline or synopsis of people and dates. He simply promised it would happen.
God placed a dream in my heart several years ago. I would be a wife and mom, one day. I have not been given a daily plan or agenda telling me who to meet and when, I just have to wait.
Abraham was convinced to "help God out" - thus having Ishmael. Ishmael could have been the father of A great nation, (and he was later) but, was he who God had in mind for THE Great Nation? No. I am sure that Abraham loved and enjoyed being a dad to him... his concern for his welfare was evident later when Ishmael and his mother were sent away- but Ishmael was not who God had in mind, and Abraham had to wait.
I have met plenty of Ishmaels. Guys that were fun, seeming to be what God would have for me, but they arent. I dont want an Ishmael. I want to hang on for Isaac.
Abraham was finally told that within a year he would have a son.
I have not been given a set time like that, but I am in that waiting stage. I have been promised and Isaac, and I am waiting for him.
I pray that my love for God is shown through my obedience in a way that I would have the faith of Abraham talked about in Hebrews 11...
11- By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise.
12- And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
"Well God must still be working on him, maybe hes not ready for you yet..."
My friend's response to this saying says it all...
"Well he better be pretty dang perfect by the time I get him, with all the waiting Ive had to do for him!"
Love ya Bec! Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!
Monday, June 07, 2010
Its a jingle thats been around for years.
You sing the first part and there is bound to be someone near by who can finish it!
It wasnt enough just for the jingle to get to you, so a few years back they started in on the Hallmark-type commercials that just make you go "Aww," as you sip your coffee.
From kids home from school, or soldiers overseas, they have marketed their coffee to pull on the 'Aww' strings of your heart. (well at least for me, I think they are cute)
Tonight I saw a new one. I could not find it on the web, but be on the look out! For it is precious and goes back the way things should be.
You see a father and older daughter talking in the kitchen as he is making coffee. She mentions something about not being sixteen anymore and that her dad will no longer have to do this thing they were talking about. He stops and asks why? She smiles big and holds out her left hand... engaged!
Ok, small aww factor there, but in my mind I was like- really? Thats cute and all but her dad should have already known b/c the guy should have asked his permission. Before I could voice my own opinion on how the commercial could be better the dad says, "You know Todd is a lucky guy,... thats what I told him last week when we talked."
There you go! BIG time "Aww!!!!"
THATS the way it should be.
The girl at home.
The boy talking to her dad before he proposes.
The surprise and happiness that is evident on the girl as the look of being cherished washes over her.
I hope you are able to catch it. I am going to keep looking for it, and then maybe I can post it in here! =)
Friday, June 04, 2010
Things that you think you have down can be painful to go through,...again.
Situations will either bitter you or better you, its your choice.
Sometimes you need to cry.
I was reminded of this by my sister/friend this morning. This song is sung by a brother/sister duo called LaRue. I tried to find a sound clip, but I could not. The lyrics are encouraging, and I hope that if you are going through something not so fun, talk to Daddy, and remember, its ok to cry. . .
Ok to Cry
Words and Music by
Phillip LaRue and Natalie LaRue (explanation below)
God will save you, boy
You just have to believe
That beautiful things will come
From broken times
Just like these, just like these
God could save you, girl
In this desert time of need
Just lay your ashes down
In hope of what you'll receive, you'll receive
And it's OK to cry, it's OK to Cry
It's OK to wonder
And as your tears fall down,
They heal the ground
A place that once was dry
It's Ok to Cry
God will save us now
Let His presence bring us peace
Lay your burdens down
Let them fall His feet
The fears are great in your mind
Your heart just aches for a sign
But there is hope and there is grace
In these gray skies
It's OK to cry
"As I went through the incident, I kept asking, why me, why did this happen? Here I am the leader on a missions trip: I was the one scheduled to give the main last devotion, and this whole situation completely breaks me."-Phillip
"There can be hope in falling apart. There is peace and hope in realizing you are weak. It's then you realize. God saves you in spite of yourself." -Natalie
Monday, May 31, 2010
One day, but not yet.
I found these lyrics on the internet, a part of Frank Sinatra's Song, "Like Someone in Love" I need to try to find a sound clip, because I think it would be an amazingly sweet song! But for now, the words are really cute!
Lately, I find myself gazing at stars,
like someone in love.
Sometimes the things I do astound me,
mostly whenever you're around me.
Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings,
bump into things
like someone in love.
Each time I look at you,
I'm limp as a glove, and feeling
like someone in love...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Surprising? Not really- but it sure is encouraging.
I have a fresh start.
I renewed vigor to take on what ever God brings.
I have had an attitude adjustment. Whereas I have heard and know a million times over,"Its NOT about me."
It really isnt.
Who am I to think that I should have something I think is best?
Whatever I think is good may not be God's BEST.
This song was sung at church a couple of weeks ago, but I still find the words going through my head.
Ever encouraging, and provoking.
May my heart, soul, and mind truly be "Captivated."
CAPTIVATE US - Watermark
Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You
Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee
Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I am going to vent, because well I can, but my mom always says,...
"Thats fine as long as you dont stay there!"
So I wont, but its how I am feeling today.
You see this older man was waiting for his food and made small talk with me as I stocked the condiment bar. He noticed my ring on my left hand and asked how long I had been married. With a sigh I told him I was not yet married, and that the ring was my promise ring. He looked at me with that, 'You're still young look' but instead of telling me what everyone else has, he said, "Dont rush it, enjoy it when you get there, but dont rush it." Moisture attacked his eyes as he looked at the lady at the counter, "I married my sweetheart. Going on 49 years, I wouldnt want it any other way." He winked and joined the bride of his youth for their dinner.
Now, I keep getting lessons on waiting! You would think I have it down by now, but I dont.
I am ever learning that just because God says wait, that doesnt mean a no.
And just because I need to wait, doesnt mean I have to sit and do nothing in the mean time.
I am 24 years old. I have had the one dream and desire to be married and have my own family, but not only that, to be a young mom. I am getting old. (dont laugh at me, this is how I feel....)
You see, I kind of need to get to know someone. That will take some time, and I didnt really want honeymoon kids, so there are a few more years.... So we are looking at me being 30?!?! No offense to those that old or older, but thats old to be starting a big family. I am trying not to put God in a box, His time frame is far from my own... I know that, but I am not grasping that.
I fully believe that God placed this dream in my heart. In doing so He will not abandon me, or it. Ever since I was a little girl- the one thing I would say when asked what I wanted to be when I grow up was- "A mom."
I dont think God would put this in my heart to take it from me... would He?
I love God more than the idea of getting married.
I love God more than the desire of having my own family.
I just want to know it will happen. I want to know that He hasnt abandoned this dream He placed in my heart.
I need to know that He is working in both my and my husbands lives to get us ready. I just want to see something in the works.
The unknown is scary. I want to see some light shining... right now, I am just overwhelmed by the darkness....
Ok, I will stop the venting. I named this post Mizpah for the verse in Genesis 31. (verse 49 if you wanted to know) It says this:
"May the LORD watch between you and me while we are absent one from another."
From the first time I read this verse till now, it has been my prayer for my husband. I am still holding on to this. I dont know where "he" is.
Do I know him?
Have I met him?
Do I like him?
Does he drive me crazy?
Does my family know him- do they like him?
Does he think of me?
So many questions, only One knows the answers.
So for now I will pray.
I will pray that God will not be absent from either of us.
I pray that this time we will both grow in ways that will allow us to be the couple God has in mind for us to be- working together to do His will.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I have recently found myself in a spot of waiting.
The vulnerable place of getting to know someone while all the questions swarm my head. Trying hard to keep a tight reign on emotions and thoughts, my prayers of late have often held a cry of, "How long must I wait?!?" to God.
I still dont know, but the poem listed below was very convicting, and encouraging to listen to/read.
Sometimes God answers, "YES" and sometimes He answers, "NO" and sometimes His answer is simply, "WAIT"
by Russell Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
Monday, May 17, 2010
Upon leaving the bathroom, a little boy excitedly tell his brother-
"You gotta go check it out! Everything is automatic in there!"
The curious brother takes off only to return rather disappointed,
"The door wasnt automatic!"
Oh well, I guess you cant win 'em all! =)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I remember as a little kid when storms would come, I would be pretty scared. I dont know what it is about kids and their fear of them, but I had it.
Rain in and of itself wasnt so bad, but when wind, lightning and thunder was added to the mix, man, the covers could not come high enough!
The little story like things we now tell kids never provided any comfort- I didnt care if the rain was bowling with the lightning! The fact was, when there was a "strike" my windows rattled and the "spare" casted eerie shadows from the trees dancing outside.
What about the storm did I allow myself to get terrified about? What are mere forces of nature in comparison to the wrath of my God over sin in my life? That is much too deep for what I thought about then, no it was more simple than that...
Did I really think that these courses of change in climate would effect me- so comfortably burrowed in my bed? Why did I allow it to rob me of sleep into the wee hours of the morning? Why could I not find the joy and delight of the storms that I have now, then?
Yes, now I LOVE storms! The bigger and longer the better!
I feel oh so small, as the wind blows the rain sideways into the house, bending green trees as warm wax, the thunder so deep it rumbles the group you stand on and seeing the light show pierce its way across the sky! No movie will ever compare!
Knowing each drop is counted, each bolt directed in its splintered path, how can one not feel small in the presence of the sacred?
Do I worship storms, hardly.
Though, the Maker of them has fully captivated my very being. That moment of standing and facing the oncoming storm, the blackness that rolls across the sky bringing with it both dread and excitement, one has to know what the disciples thought in that boat of Mark 4.
They faced a storm themselves, not spiritual or emotional, quite physical and very daunting. They thought for sure this was their end. Once they woke Jesus and He calmed the very thing they had been agonizing over, they were terrified of Jesus- because even the wind and sea obeyed Him.
Maybe thats why I am no longer scared of storms, I dont know. I know the One who is orchestrating each element of that storm is holding me in His pierced hands.
And not just physical storms for me, but the ones that they senses cant fathom- The ones that rage in the heart of me. I take comfort, and fear, in knowing that everything is under His command.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I love new starts. I used to think I was so fond of them because detours to the pit made them a life necessity. I believed new beginnings were primarily for those drawn to cycles of self-destruction like me. Those who had been humiliated by sin AGAIN. After all, why would people living in any semblance of victory need a new start?
To the glory of God alone and His relentless grace, I haven't cycled back to that pit in years. But you could have knocked me over with a feather when I came to the startling realization that not all hardship is caused by sin. Sometimes difficulty comes to us smack-dab in the center of God's will. Anyone who lives life plugged into the human race, still bothering to give a rip, nearly loses heart for need of a new start. I've never gotten over the necessity of a fresh beginning. I'm guessing you haven't either.
God new we wouldn't. In fact, He created us that way. He fashioned the soul of man in its every intricacy and complexity before He ever breathed it into the ashen new body of Adam. We don't have a single soul-need God didn't deliberately initiate for His own purposes. Our souls crave new beginnings. Fresh starts. Calculate with me just how willing our compassionate God was to accommodate.
God Himself came up with the concept of an annual New Year's Day when He ordered creation and gave the sun and moon their instructions (Genesis 1:14) Though some cultures operate on a lunar schedule and others on a solar schedule, we share the original concept of a calendar year that begins with a specific day. Think how much you and I view segments of time in years. . .
God didn't think an annual new start was nearly enough. He who created the human psyche also compartmentalized those hundreds of days into 12 months. Every month we get a new first. But 12 new starts were not enough either. The very first verses of Scripture unfold a seven-day period of time we call a week. Think of how we look forward to the "weekend" and a subsequent new beginning on Sunday. Fifty-two new beginnings a year sounds like plenty, doesn't it? Ah, but not to God. He who configured our needy souls ordained the sun to rise every single morning and set every single evening. A curtain of darkness falls systematically on the scene of every single day, calling it history.
Ever had such a bad day that it seemed beyond redeeming? I had a really rough day last week. The problem wasn't just one thing. It was everything. Every phone call. Every e-mail. Every demand. Yes, even the elevator got huffy with me. I dragged my usually buoyant mood behind me on to the parking garage like a deflated balloon on a tattered string. And then I accidentally shut the car door on it. My husband, Keith, asked me early that evening if the day had gotten any better. I laughed and responded, "Nope. I think this one's just going to have to end, and let me start a new one tomorrow morning."
Sure enough, night fell and so did I. . . I pulled the covers over my head and slept off the exhaustion of the day. The next morning, the sun rose just as God promised it would, and I felt renewed and ready to go at life once again. I don't think I could have waited seven days for another new start. I needed one that would come in only hours. I bet you know what I mean.
The Bible says that God gives us new mercies every morning (Lam 3:23) The first of those mercies is the new morning itself. Here we are, you and I, making a new start together. A new year. Twelve new months. Fifty-two weeks. And 365 glorious days. . . . Once again, and not a moment too soon, the old has passed away. Behold, new things have come.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
So I am getting gas and the car right on the other side of the pump is just about in sync with me.
(pulling up at the same time, selecting grade and so forth. . .)
But here was the kicker... the lady doesnt take her keys out of the ignition.
So what happens when keys are left in the car and the door is open?
Dinging. over and over and over again!
Some cars are annoying, and this one was no let down.
It seemed that my pump was the slowest one at the station, and hers must have been because her dinging car was there the WHOLE time I was.
I dont know if she had a hearing problem, and maybe it really just did not phase her. I guess if you do something long enough, you are immune to the warnings around you.
As I watched this lady go back and forth, arranging her front seat, cleaning out trash, the dinging is ever present and loud.
I had to think of my own life- though it took me getting on the road and away from the dinging before I could.
How often in my own life do I have warnings, that have become just white noise to me?
What things should I take care of- that are apparent to others, that have become drowned out to me?
Should I have said anything to that lady about her car? How would that have been taken?
How do I take reminders if someone brings a reminder to my attention?
Though highly annoying, may I never grow use to the "ding ding ding" in my life!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Today I celebrate your birthday mom! You are truly a Godly woman of great worth! An example to many, and my best mom-sister-friend-teacher... etc....
I hope that you have a wonderful birthday and feel as blessed as you are the blessing to many! Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all! - Prov 31:29
Love you and Happy Birthday!!!
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
When I am sweeping the floors at work, listening to people's conversations are very interesting.
Little kids always say the best things though.
A conversation I overheard one day: A lady was talking with her friends talking about the cleaning of her house. She said, "I must have done something wrong. The other day I was just vacuuming and my kids asked who was coming over!"
There are the conversations that I wish I had never heard, especially when it involves a child.
No one should hear foul language, but a kid! Really? I think- NO.
My dad has recently challenged us as a family with "4:29"
Thursday, April 01, 2010
When you woke it seemed as a memory that had actually happened?
So real you could taste and smell the things around you and feel the people there?
Has it ever been one of those dreams where during it, your heart knew who the people were, but you could not recall their names or faces when you woke to- try as hard as you might...
I saw "him"
It was the strangest dream I have had in a long time. The events and players in it didnt make much sense, and I have no clue what I ate before bed to merit such a concoction, but alas, it was interesting, and yet, gave me some hope. =)
The dream was filled with odd people of my past and monster-like creatures that dont exist, and "him"
He was protecting me.
In my dream I knew exactly who "he" was.
We talked, and were there for each other, and I just knew.
When I woke, I couldnt remember what "he" looked like in the dream.
I could no longer see his eyes, or feel his hand in mine, I knew not his name or where he is.
I tried to think back and remember my dream. I couldnt think of the details, and one of my main characters was slowly fading from memory!
But, even though I dont know who "he" is, either in my dream or now, I know God does! It gave me such a hope! I know that my bestest most wonderful dreams dont even scratch the surface on the ones God has dreamed for me!
There is a band I like who wrote a song called "Dreams" (appropriate huh?)
But the chorus goes like this:
You made a dream
then You gave it to me
a dream that i know
only God could have dreamed
You never sleep
yet You dream dreams
God does have great dreams and plans for us. I want His- whatever they may be, whenever they may happen- for my life! I dont know when they will unfold, or how, but it has to be better then anything I can come up with!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
and the anticipation...
the rest are just pictures i had fun taking...
Can you see me in his eye?