Monday, May 31, 2010

Like Someone in Love

No, I am not "in love" yet...
One day, but not yet.
I found these lyrics on the internet, a part of Frank Sinatra's Song, "Like Someone in Love" I need to try to find a sound clip, because I think it would be an amazingly sweet song! But for now, the words are really cute!

Lately, I find myself gazing at stars,
hearing guitars
like someone in love.
Sometimes the things I do astound me,
mostly whenever you're around me.
Lately I seem to walk as though I had wings,
bump into things
like someone in love.
Each time I look at you,
I'm limp as a glove, and feeling
like someone in love...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A new day

The sun rose today.
Surprising? Not really- but it sure is encouraging.
I have a fresh start.
I renewed vigor to take on what ever God brings.
I have had an attitude adjustment. Whereas I have heard and know a million times over,"Its NOT about me."
It really isnt.
Who am I to think that I should have something I think is best?
Whatever I think is good may not be God's BEST.
This song was sung at church a couple of weeks ago, but I still find the words going through my head.
Ever encouraging, and provoking.
May my heart, soul, and mind truly be "Captivated."

CAPTIVATE US - Watermark

Your face is beautiful
And Your eyes are like the stars
Your gentle hands have healing
There inside the scars
Your loving arms they draw me near
And Your smile it brings me peace
Draw me closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee

Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You

Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw me closer O my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee


Let everything be lost in the shadows
Of the light of Your face
Let every chain be broken from me
As I’m bound in Your grace
For Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You’re full of wisdom, power and might
And every eye will see You

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


It was a lonely day. Not that I was alone, in fact I was surrounded by people all day! It was lonely for the fact of missing "him"
I am going to vent, because well I can, but my mom always says,...
"Thats fine as long as you dont stay there!"
So I wont, but its how I am feeling today.
You see this older man was waiting for his food and made small talk with me as I stocked the condiment bar. He noticed my ring on my left hand and asked how long I had been married. With a sigh I told him I was not yet married, and that the ring was my promise ring. He looked at me with that, 'You're still young look' but instead of telling me what everyone else has, he said, "Dont rush it, enjoy it when you get there, but dont rush it." Moisture attacked his eyes as he looked at the lady at the counter, "I married my sweetheart. Going on 49 years, I wouldnt want it any other way." He winked and joined the bride of his youth for their dinner.
Now, I keep getting lessons on waiting! You would think I have it down by now, but I dont.
I am ever learning that just because God says wait, that doesnt mean a no.
And just because I need to wait, doesnt mean I have to sit and do nothing in the mean time.
I am 24 years old. I have had the one dream and desire to be married and have my own family, but not only that, to be a young mom. I am getting old. (dont laugh at me, this is how I feel....)
You see, I kind of need to get to know someone. That will take some time, and I didnt really want honeymoon kids, so there are a few more years.... So we are looking at me being 30?!?! No offense to those that old or older, but thats old to be starting a big family. I am trying not to put God in a box, His time frame is far from my own... I know that, but I am not grasping that.
I fully believe that God placed this dream in my heart. In doing so He will not abandon me, or it. Ever since I was a little girl- the one thing I would say when asked what I wanted to be when I grow up was- "A mom."
I dont think God would put this in my heart to take it from me... would He?
I love God more than the idea of getting married.
I love God more than the desire of having my own family.
I just want to know it will happen. I want to know that He hasnt abandoned this dream He placed in my heart.
I need to know that He is working in both my and my husbands lives to get us ready. I just want to see something in the works.
The unknown is scary. I want to see some light shining... right now, I am just overwhelmed by the darkness....
Ok, I will stop the venting. I named this post Mizpah for the verse in Genesis 31. (verse 49 if you wanted to know) It says this:
"May the LORD watch between you and me while we are absent one from another."
From the first time I read this verse till now, it has been my prayer for my husband. I am still holding on to this. I dont know where "he" is.
Do I know him?
Have I met him?
Do I like him?
Does he drive me crazy?
Does my family know him- do they like him?
Does he think of me?
So many questions, only One knows the answers.
So for now I will pray.
I will pray that God will not be absent from either of us.
I pray that this time we will both grow in ways that will allow us to be the couple God has in mind for us to be- working together to do His will.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

His Answer. . .

I was at a Women's Ministry outing tonight. One of the first I have ever been a part of. It was pretty encouraging- each of us bringing a diverse outlook on life, whether from where we are or what we have come through.
I have recently found myself in a spot of waiting.
The vulnerable place of getting to know someone while all the questions swarm my head. Trying hard to keep a tight reign on emotions and thoughts, my prayers of late have often held a cry of, "How long must I wait?!?" to God.
I still dont know, but the poem listed below was very convicting, and encouraging to listen to/read.
Sometimes God answers, "YES" and sometimes He answers, "NO" and sometimes His answer is simply, "WAIT"

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Monday, May 17, 2010

work funny

I get to witness lots of funny stories and conversations at work but one that made me smile was this...

Upon leaving the bathroom, a little boy excitedly tell his brother-

"You gotta go check it out! Everything is automatic in there!"

The curious brother takes off only to return rather disappointed,

"The door wasnt automatic!"

Oh well, I guess you cant win 'em all! =)

Sunday, May 16, 2010


drip. drop. splat. crack. *too bad there isnt a sound word for lightning... maybe bright?*
I remember as a little kid when storms would come, I would be pretty scared. I dont know what it is about kids and their fear of them, but I had it.
Rain in and of itself wasnt so bad, but when wind, lightning and thunder was added to the mix, man, the covers could not come high enough!
The little story like things we now tell kids never provided any comfort- I didnt care if the rain was bowling with the lightning! The fact was, when there was a "strike" my windows rattled and the "spare" casted eerie shadows from the trees dancing outside.
What about the storm did I allow myself to get terrified about? What are mere forces of nature in comparison to the wrath of my God over sin in my life? That is much too deep for what I thought about then, no it was more simple than that...
Did I really think that these courses of change in climate would effect me- so comfortably burrowed in my bed? Why did I allow it to rob me of sleep into the wee hours of the morning? Why could I not find the joy and delight of the storms that I have now, then?
Yes, now I LOVE storms! The bigger and longer the better!
I feel oh so small, as the wind blows the rain sideways into the house, bending green trees as warm wax, the thunder so deep it rumbles the group you stand on and seeing the light show pierce its way across the sky! No movie will ever compare!
Knowing each drop is counted, each bolt directed in its splintered path, how can one not feel small in the presence of the sacred?
Do I worship storms, hardly.
Though, the Maker of them has fully captivated my very being. That moment of standing and facing the oncoming storm, the blackness that rolls across the sky bringing with it both dread and excitement, one has to know what the disciples thought in that boat of Mark 4.
They faced a storm themselves, not spiritual or emotional, quite physical and very daunting. They thought for sure this was their end. Once they woke Jesus and He calmed the very thing they had been agonizing over, they were terrified of Jesus- because even the wind and sea obeyed Him.
Maybe thats why I am no longer scared of storms, I dont know. I know the One who is orchestrating each element of that storm is holding me in His pierced hands.
And not just physical storms for me, but the ones that they senses cant fathom- The ones that rage in the heart of me. I take comfort, and fear, in knowing that everything is under His command.