Monday, May 19, 2014


"Love these boys God loaned me"
This phrase was written as part of a status for a friend of mine on Facebook. 
It has been a rough few weeks for me- emotionally, physically and spitually- and when I read this, I got a little teary-eyed.
My sister told me something similar when I was going through my hellish week a year ago. She said, "they [our babies] aren't really ours- we have to let them go and give them back to God, even from the very beginning" 
I want to trust God and His timing and all those wonderful things I've heard thousands I times- but I will tell you, it's been and is hard!
He knows how badly Mr.J and I want to have lots of kids to love on and raise in godliness and truth. 
Maybe one day that will happen. Hopefully soon...
But whenever it is, I hope to remember that they are on "loan" and to treasure the moments with thanksgiving to the One who holds us all!

Monday, May 05, 2014

Happy Birthday!

My dear little one,
Has it really been a year? Where has the time gone? Some days it seems to be much longer than a year- and other days it seems just like yesterday!
I love and miss you so very much! Each day my heart gets stronger as I learn to trust more in the Father you have spent so much time with! I'm sure this has been the best year of your life! ;)  
(Your momma can be a bit dorky)
There are things that surround me of your brief life with us- things I look at to celebrate you and thank God for the time with you! I am learning how precious life is and value each breath I am given. 
I thought maybe God would give me some siblings for you- but His timing has not been mine. He is faithful and good, and knows JUST what He's doing!
I look at this world and all it's mess- and think of all you were spared from. Who knows, it may not be long before we meet, and can spend life together worshiping our Creator!
My dear Enoch, today I celebrate you- my heart is heavy in thinking back to having to say goodbye, and yet at the same time, I have joy and peace this day. Each month there is a twinge of grief all over again, and I have to trust God on another level. He is holding me, just as He is you my son. It's a wonderful place to be.
I will always miss you.
I will always love you.
I will always be your momma, and 
you will always be my Baby Mine.
Happy Birthday Enoch!