Learning

Its been two months and 13 days since Enoch went to his forever home. . .
i thought i was doing good and on the mends. 
There are still times of sadness and "why?!" but for the most part, i have healed- physically, emotionally and mentally.
Until yesterday...
i came across a friends blog who just recently found that she and her husband are expecting their first child. i am so happy and excited for them! They are sweet, young and will be great parents- but as i read their blog, i sobbed. 
Their story was much like mine: finding out their pregnancy, going to the doctor and then not being able to "find their baby" They too went through rounds of blood work and after a week went back in for another ultrasound and there was there baby. Growing, healthy, and living. Again, i am VERY happy for them. 
i would not want a miscarriage to happen to anyone- yet i know they happen more often than we think. 
i found myself in a state of "Why not Enoch?!" "What did I do wrong?!" "Did i not have enough faith?!"
My wonderful husband held me in his arms as my heart broke and tears streamed my face. He reminded me of GOD's goodness, and how HE has been glorified through Enoch's home-going. GOD has certainly used Enoch's life- maybe more this way than if we had been able to have him...
i KNOW i will see Enoch again one day.
i KNOW GOD is good and had a plan and a purpose for his life, as short as it was. 
i KNOW that GOD will grow our family when HE sees the time is right. 
i KNOW that i have things to work on, focus on and do on a daily basis to prepare for whatever GOD brings my way.
At church on Sunday the pastor said, "There are two things that are eternal; the Word of GOD and people's souls- we should be about both of those things."
That's some of what i am working on. 
Last night at church we sang a very familiar song.... The chorus ministered to my weary heart and i fully surrendered and let go in the promise of knowing GOD will never let go....

Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
(Chorus)
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You