Tuesday, July 27, 2010

its been long, way too long

So, um, hi....
Its been a while.
Seems that blogging has slipped to the back-burner of my life.
Life itself has been crazy busy, and writing about whats going on in my head, just hasn't seemed important.
But I have missed it.
I am going to try to better.
I am giving my blog a face-lift, going to try to anyways.
But for now just a bit of an update on well, me.... (that may be rather droll, so feel free to skim- I am finding it is nice to write down some thoughts tumbling about my sub-cranium. . .)

Ok, so I will start at the beginning, its a very good place to start, so I have been told. And I wont go back so far as not quite five and twenty years, but maybe to around my last entry! =)

My work as a hostess has been enjoyable, and doubled even. I am now not only CFA's hostess but SBCV's as well! My days are filled with commuting, planning, serving, scheduling, waiting, preparing, cleaning, and coordinating. I have had to learn lots about money and time management- as well as the ministry I have in being in this position of hostess.
I come in contact with hundreds of people, from all over the city, state, country and even world! This summer, I have been able to meet people from, Slovakia, Germany, France, England, Scotland, Ireland, Costa Rico, Canada, Guatemala, and Russia. My encounter with them was just a moment, a few minutes to refill a drink, but will I see them in Heaven? I pray for them, wherever they are now, that God would place someone else in their lives. I may not have ever mentioned the Gospel, or even the name of Christ, but maybe I was just different enough in how I loved on them. . .
Then I have my "regulars" The few that come in ever or every other day or so. The ones that will give me a hug, or look me in the eye and ask how my life is. The ones that know my name and will pick on me, praise me, share with me concerns and exciting event in their lives. I have mentioned that I am 'praying for them' and then able to follow-up, but should I be more deliberate?
Then I have my social life. No... there is no man, yet. I am holding God to His promise though.
I for the most part am content where I am in life. My heart longs to be a wife and mom, but God, for reasons only He knows now, has not allowed that to happen yet. I have times of feeling like I am not enough. . . like looks, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not flirty enough, you fill in the blank, I have felt/thought it. Then I switch from looks to thinking about my life and abilities, and maybe there is something that is not enough there.... Not ready to balance a home, not organized enough, not skilled enough, again you fill in the blank, and its gone through my head.
I know that NONE of these thoughts are accurate or define who I am in Christ, but it doesn't mean that I haven't had them run through my head. It gets hard sometimes, when guys will talk and maybe even flirt with me, only to turn all attention toward some other cute girl that walks by. Or when my friends are already married, or having kids, or at the very least getting to know someone with the future in mind. I am genuinely happy for each one of them, and where God has them in their lives, but that doesn't mean I don't cry to God wondering why not me???
I have had some lessons to learn on the matter. I studied the account of Abraham. Before his family became a nation, even before his first son arrived, God made a promise. He said he would be a part of something GREAT and that the world would be change because of it. But time went by. . .
Convinced that things were not going fast enough and that he was just getting older, Abraham took things into his own hands. He tried to fulfill the Promise God told him, his own way. It ended in the birth of a son, but not the one God would make His promise known from.
I have to be careful that I don't try to take Gods promise that He gave me, into my own hands. I desire to have that relationship, and lots of people ask why. To me it is a fulfilling who I was created to be. I was made with a unique design, to compliment and work along side, minister to and with, submit to, and grow with one man. When God made me, He put in me what I would need to be his perfect helpmeet. I am only complete in Christ. No mere man can or will complete me. I already have a lover in my life. Jesus is the One that shows me how to love. It is because of His love for the church, I want to continue on in my life in the next phase in marriage. I want a man who will cherish me, I hope I am worth cherishing. I need him to be a leader, in all areas of our life, I want more than anything the one God has for me. I love the Ludy's and the ministry, and if you have time, look them up....especially their song, "Faithfully"
So even with the many hours work takes me from home, and my own social life rollercoaster, I have embarked on a new spiritual journey. (wow, that sounds like I have joined some cult) I have found a new church that I am getting to be a part of. It is small and averages around 70 or so people. We are growing. Going overseaes, looking for a new meeting place, out-growing community groups (aka, small groups or Bible study groups) I have fallen in love with the people, I don't know many yet, but the ones I do know are great! They are friendly, and real, and I have so enjoyed being a part of this part of the body.
To wrap up my rather lengthy, I guess that's what I get for letting so much time lag, but update on myself, I end with a song we sang this morning in church. I found it is by Hillsong called, "The Desert Song" Appropriately named I think, but an awesome song! Read down to the last verse and may you be encouraged as well!

The Desert Song:
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

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